Here We Go Again

Friday morning I went to Dr. M's office for my baseline u/s.  Everything looks good again and all clear: no cysts, lining looks good, and I have a small unmeasurable follie growing on my left side.  Cycle #5 plan:  begin Follistim injections today 8/7 at 50 i.u., go back Wednesday morning for a monitoring appt,  then go back in Friday for my final monitoring appt as well as my PK test, and then I will finally trigger with Novarel on Friday (hopefully) and then I will follow the trigger with a Novarel booster.  My RE wanted to decrease my Follistim to hopefully calm my body down.  He thinks that maybe my body was allowing my follies to progress to fast during some cycles but not let my hormones stay on the same course as the follies.  So he is hoping that this helps.  So I will remain on 50 i.u. until my first monitoring appt and will most likely be increasing to 75 i.u. to finish out for the last 2 days.  I have been trying to plan the PK test for awhile now and both my coordinator and myself have been stressing this would never get done.  J normally leaves for work at 4 or 5 in the morning and it is usually difficult to "prepare" for the test at 4 am.  Anyways, when I told her we would actually be able to do this test on this cycle it was a relief.  I was hoping my Dr. M would be available to do it, but  he is unfortunately out of the office and his colleague can't do it.  So my coordinator was free to do so.  As long as it gets done right?!  And to explain the Novarel booster...I must have had a weak ovulation last cycle.  My p4 and e2 were way off and were not in the ranges they were suppose to be.  So Dr. M wants to add another Novarel injection to the protocol.

So that is what cycle #5 looks like for me on FSH medication.  I'm kind of fearful that this will not work yet again but also hopeful.  Dr. M said he sees most patients get pregnant on cycle 4 or 5 on these medications.  So in a way that is still giving me a little bit of hope let (not much though).  I'm still booked for my IVF consult on 8/26 with Dr. M.  Whether I'm pregnant this time or not, I feel the consultation will be very informative.  I think if IVF is my reality, it will be welcoming to say the least to know that there is an end in sight.  I know IVF is never a guarantee and it may take one or several cycles to achieve pregnancy, but I feel that I'm finally at that point where I know this will need to be done.

The only difficult task I have this month is surviving my little sisters baby shower at the end of the month that is the day after my IVF consult....

An All To Familiar Sight

This morning I took my HPT and of course I saw my friend "not pregnant".  So now I get to play the waiting game of AF's arrival.  In the meantime, I need to get myself ready for my final cycle of Follistim and TI.  I'm kind of hesitant in doing one more cycle.  I just feel like I already know what the outcome is.  At this point in the game, I'm just ready to move on.  But my RE has yet another protocol he wants to try.  This next cycle, I will have the pleasure of doing a booster HCG injection proceeding the initial trigger.  Fun, right?!  At the end of the month, I have my IVF consult which I will be keeping now.  At the time I scheduled it, I was back and forth as to whether or not I was going to keep it.  Well, even if this next cycle is a success, it will be good to hear protocols, procedures, and what else comes with IVF.  Maybe I can even get a start date....I'm just ready to move on.  I'm very exhausted and just want to see an end to all of this.

My Body is Failing Me

Yesterday I had my post ovulation lab draw and today I got my results call.  My e2 level is 87 and my p4 is 12.4, what the heck is going on?!  I'm not sure what it means.  Was it a weak ovulation, did I not ovulate?  Ugh, I've had it.  So it looks like my RE is planning on another cycle of Follistim if this is a BFN.  He thinks that even if I do get a BFP, I may not be able to sustain a pregnancy.  So what he is planning for next cycle is to do a HCG booster.  So on August 1 I get to do a HPT although I don't know why...I already predict it being a negative reading like always.  More to come....

Today Sucked!

My day started out pretty good.  I arrived at work 5 minutes earlier than I normally do, had all of my surgical orders ready to go for the hospitals, filed documents, and it seemed like it was going to be a decent day...especially since I was able to leave early for a vet appointment.  Everything went well until about 9:30/10:00.  One of my long time patients came up to me, in a busy hallway mind you in front of my co-workers and other patients, had the nerve to tell me that I'm getting fat.  According to her, my face was looking chubby and thought that I'm putting on weight.  She then continued to say, don't take offense I was just curious.  I was just dumbfounded.  I didn't know what to say.  I just sat there with my mouth completely open in shock trying not to say anything.  Because I really want to say some really nasty things and I really can't afford to lose my job at the moment.  As this patient proceeded to leave, she asked me if I was offended by her comment.  I couldn't even respond to her.  I just wanted to say ummm yeah, tell her f you, and flip her off.  Right after she left, I just completely lost it and cried my eyes out.

I'm not gaining any weight, maybe I look like it because I'm bloated from pumping my body with all of this fertility medication.  Maybe it's not the medication and possible the heat in NEPA.  Or maybe I'm retaining water.  No matter what the case may be, that was completely uncalled for.  Hopefully tomorrow will be a bit better.

Cycle Update

After 2 days of running back and forth to the RE for monitoring, I can finally trigger tonight.  Yesterday my e2 was 130.  I didn't ask what it was today, didn't even think to ask but it was obviously higher.  I only have 1 follie on my right side.  Yesterday it was 16 and today it was 19.  Yesterday my RE gave instructions to boost my follistim to 100 iu.  So hopefully all will work out.  Definately losing hope here....

RE Update

Today was a very long day.  Since my RE's office is quite a distance from my home, I spent the day around my docs office.  This morning I had my lab draws: e2 level, FSH, and AMH.  Then I had my appointment with Dr. M scheduled for 2:30 with my baseline u/s.  Well, he was held up in surgery so my appointment was pushed an hour later.  Find with me, I always come prepared with a book and my iPod.  Anyways, my levels were good.  My FSH was 7.74 and my AMH I will get next week since that takes longer.  Dr. M feels that level should be normal based by my FSH level.  He looked at my u/s and said I have 10 follies starting and will begin my 4th cycle of Follistim on Sunday.  I did discusss at lengths at what could be the issue.  He feels that all of my hormones look good and my egg quality is good.  IF there is anymore problems it is with the outside of my egg and not allowing the sperm to penetrate.  So I've decided to do 2 more rounds of Follistim and then go to the next step.

I already have my IVF consult scheduled for end of August with my RE.  He did give me a printed sheet of the cost, which is pretty overwhelming since I will be almost 100% oop.  My ins will pick up my prescription coverage which will save me at least $3400 and it may cover the diagnostics as well.  So all in all, I may only need to pay for the actual procedure itself.  I'm not 100% with this, but feel that it will be 50/50 coverage now that I think of it.  My coordinator will have more answers at my IVF consult.

I do think my appointment was productive and my questions were answered.  My RE even said he hopes to never have the IVF conversation with me again.  Which I feel is positive thinking on his end the injections will eventually work.....we'll see.  But until then, I will try to be positive and start with a clean slate this cycle.  I feel that this post was a little rambly, so for that I apologize and thanks for sticking through!

BFFN

Today I took a HPT and of course it came up negative.  I'm tired mentally and emotionally from all of this.  I can't stand this anymore.  Why are these treatments not working?  What else could be wrong with me?  Do I need to loose more weight?  Am I exercising too much or not enough?  I was good this cycle too.  My stress wasn't too bad, I kept myself occupied, I took my medications the same time every day, and even lowered my impact level at exercise class.  I think I may need a break.  I'm going to do one more cycle and most likely take a much needed break.  I need to emotionally and mentally re-charge.

The good news is that I have an appointment with my RE this Friday.  I took a vacation day to relax and as a just in case.  Well it looks like it may work out for the just in case.  My RE wants to do more labs on me if I got a BFN.  Since I did, I go in for CD3 FSH, e2, and AMH levels.  I'm probably going to throw in my baseline u/s as well.  So I'm hoping my body cooperates with my thinking and AF will arrive on Wednesday, not a day sooner or later.  So my thinking is to arrive at the RE's office mid morning for all of these tests, drive over to the hospital for the AMH level, grab some lunch, maybe do some shopping, and then back to the RE for my 2:00 appointment.  I feel like I'm going back to my first initial appt with him.  I'm going armed with questions.  Hopefully all of my results will be rec'd and I will have some answers.