Yet Another BFN!

This morning I took a pregnancy test and saw the words "not pregnant".  In a way, I knew this wasn't going to happen, but I still couldn't help but obssess over every symptom that I had: the constant headaches, fatigue, nausea, sore BB's...I knew it was AF trying to make her appearance but I was trying to remain hopeful.  Now I have a break cycle and I will prepare for my surgery in about 2 weeks.  The prep is going to suck since I can't have any aspirin or ibuprofen products...I tend to get some massive headaches at work.  I also have to prep with an enema the night before and the morning of surgery.  AWESOME right?!  Can't wait.  I am hoping that my RE finds something when he going in.  I think we all need some more answers as to why nothing sticks.  What really has me a little ticked is to why my RE is deciding to do the procedure now and not in the beginning.  Working in the medical field myself, I'm all for conservative treatments, but I feel that maybe I wouldn't have wasted all of my clomid treatments if this procedure was done in the beginning.  Well I can't argue with his methods, he is an excellent doctor. 

So with Jim totally on board with my surgery, which is completely shocking, we talked about the future.  We have not done this in quite sometime.  Our first topic was about my car.  My car is getting up there on miles and has seen better days.  When we have our child/children he wants me to have a more reliable car and I completely agree.  So I have been saving up for a SUV, most likely a Honda CRV.  I looked at him after our brief conversation and I can see that he was still thinking.  He then asked what if I had to choose between a car and IVF.  I think he is starting to realize that IVF is becoming more of a reality for us.  I told him hands down that I would want the IVF.  As much as I need a car, I want a child more.  And besides, Jim has a car that I could use.  He has a work vehicle and RARELY uses his car.  The only problem is that I'd have to learn how to drive stick and I had tried already.  Didn't turn out too good.  I did good on the highway and Interstate, but not on our town roads....I kind of freaked out.  Anyways, what I was thinking was that maybe I can set up another account with my bank for IVF.  So that I have enough for a car and part of the IVF.  Something to look into I guess.

What I'm hoping for is that this surgery will find something and when I begin the injectables I will become pregnant.  I only have a few goals for 2011.  One is to become more organized.  Two is to increase my exercising at home when I do not have exercise class.  Three is to be better with my finances/savings.  Four is to become pregnant.  Five is to have a better outlook on things.  Hopefully 2011 will be a wonderful year for everyone!

Thanks for reading!
Amy

Oh What a Day...

So today I had an appt with my RE to discuss further treatment plans.  We're still waiting on my final outcome of Clomid, but needed a plan for January.  My RE is hesitant to start me on injectables at this time and wants to go ahead with the surgery.  So my surgery will consist of a diagnostic lap, oper./laser lap, hysteroscopy, D&C, and tubal perfusion.  Hopefully this procedure will provide more answers for me.  I called Jim to discuss everything and, surprisingly, he was in agreeance with this plan.  Normally when Jim hears surgery he tends to freak out a little bit.  Since I will be needing a driver, he was nice enough to offer the day off of work.  So I guess tomorrow I need to talk to work and figure everything out.  I'm crossing my fingers, toes, and legs that I will not need his done.  Hopefully I will have a Christmas miracle.  But incase I don't, it's on to the procedure and then injectables for 3 cycles. 

Update

I must make a confession.....I am a horrible blogger.  Phew that felt good...I had my monitoring appt on Friday 12/10 for my final cycle of Clomid.  I must say it went pretty good.  Lining was good and my Estrodial level was 256.  I had one leading follie measuring at 24mm and 2 smaller follies one at 14 mm and the other at 12 mm.  Hopefully my 14 mm follie grew to a measurable 18 mm this weekend.  Per my RE I was to trigger on Friday night since I wasn't having a LH surge.  My RE and my nurse didn't want my follie to get any bigger than 24 mm.  I also decided to buy Preseed Friday after work, couldn't hurt right?!  I also felt that I was more dry than my prior cycles (sorry TMI, I know).  During this cycle, I did notice CM but I didn't think it was good enough.  Hence my reasoning for Preseed.  I had O pains yesterday and a bit this morning which is definately a good sign.  Tomorrow night I start my progesterone suppositories again and wish for a positive outcome.  Although I'm not too hopeful.  My confidence with Clomid is now zero so I am prepared for yet another BFN.  I go in for blwk 7 DPO for a progesterone and estrogen check.  My progesterone level has been pretty good with the suppositories.  So I at least know they are working despite how unpleasant they are. 

On 12/21 I have another meeting with my RE.  This appt is to discuss the what's next.  I know for a fact that if I fail again this cycle I will be moving on to injectibles.  So I'm guessing that I will be learning what meds I will be on and injectable protocol.  SOOO much fun!! 

I also just realized that Christmas Eve I will be able to begin using the HPT.  My RE doesn't want me to test until 12/27 though.  I hope I can hold out....I might have to.  I don't think I can handle that type of bad news on Christmas.  Although it would be a nice gift for DH and me if I were to get a positive test.  This is a difficult decision.  I'm hoping that we have alot of company or we are out of the house alot so I don't get tempted.

What A Day.....

I had a very long and crazy morning at work.  Oh and by the way I'm still at work.  At least no one is here and I can coast along this afternoon.  Things started out ok until I started getting charts ready.  Well my computer picked a great day to decide not to print as well as a co-workers.  So I got to spend at least an hour on the phone with my IT department.  I got so backed up checking in and logging in I was nearly in tears.

My doctors office decided to call me today on one of my busiest days.  They finally received my blwk from before the holidays.  My P4 level is finally good it was at 18 (Kudos to my body for that) and my prolactin level is finally stable at 6.5 (it's about time).  Now for the bad result....My Estrogen level was really low (go figure).  If it is not one level screwing me it's another.  My RE thinks that my other E2 levels were good because I took the HCG shot.  This time I couldn't due to my LH surge occuring earlier than expected.  So I get to go in for CD 12 monitoring and trigger early with hopes of a successful cycle.  My nurse did tell me that if this cycle is a bust, my RE wants to move to more aggressive treatment with me (which was discussed briefly at my last appointment with him).  If this cycle does not work then I will be moving on to injectables.  Hopefully this will all work out and not come to that.  I go back in to see my RE on 12/21 and await "positive" results come the new year. 

Ughh this is soo tiring!!

Random...

I was bored...Here are some random q/a about me...


Birthday: October 15
Zodiac Sign: Libra
Where were you born: Pennsylvania
Where do you live now: Pennsylvania
Height: 5'5
Hair Color: Dark Brown
Eye Color: Dark Brown
Tattoos: one
Piercings: ears and belly

*Favorites*
Color: Green
Food:  this is tough...I love food.  I would say fettuccini with pesto sauce and peas
Candy: Hershey's Kisses, Reese's Cubs, Hershey Bars
Movie: Too many to name....All time fav Sixteen Candles
TV Show: Greys, Family Guy
Actor: Will Ferrell, Johnny Depp
Actress:  Reese Witherspoon, Jennifer Aniston
Favorite Author: Nicholas Sparks
Band or Singer:  hmmm...Paramore
Song: At this time...Little Lion Man by Mumford and Sons
Holiday: Christmas
Season: Spring or Fall
Day of the week: Friday
Store:  Kohls, Burlington Coat Factory
Restaurant:  Red Lobster is one of my favs.
Sport: Softball
Animal: Dogs
Flower: Roses

*Have you ever*
Danced in the rain: No
tripped and had an embarrassing fall:  OMG have I ever
smoked: Yes
got drunk: Yes
done drugs: prescription?
gone skinny dipping: I'll leave this one go
been in a car accident: yes
been in love: yes
met the President: no
met a celebrity: Yes, Amy VanDyke.  Well she's not really a celeb but an olympic athelete
cried over a movie: yes.  and might I add that a few were in the theater and it was really load and embarassing
laughed so hard you cried:  yes.  At my husband and alot of other times in my life
cried for no reason at all:  yes.  when you're jacked up with fertility drugs you tend to do that

*the last*
thing you said: See you tomorrow
thing you ate: chicken
song you heard: Dynamite
movie you saw: The Expendables
cd you bought: geez I don't remember.  I believe it was Dave Matthews Band
book you read:  The Infertility Survival Handbook
phone call:  my husband
im: haven't had one of those in a looooong time
person you yelled at: can't remember

*This or that*
pepsi or coke: pepsi
mcdonalds or burger king: burger king
chocolate or vanilla: chocolate
tv or movies: both
colored pencils or markers: colored pencils
sun or moon: both
day or night:  ehhh depends
pants or shorts: pants
long sleeve or short sleeve: long sleeve
n'sync or backstreet boys: How can you possibly think I can answer this one!!!  Both and add in New Kids on the Block
burgers or hot dogs: burgers
rock or rap: rock but I do like some rap
aim or phone: phone
romantic comedy or thriller:  romantic comedy
waffles or pancakes: pancakes
peanut butter or jelly: peanut butter

AF showed her head....

So AF finally decided to show 3 days ago and go back to my RE for monitoring on 12/10.  I begin my final attemp with Clomid on Friday and await my results yet again.  I'm really not that hopeful this cycle.  It just seems to be the same story month after month with me.  If I do get my same results, hopefully I will get better results with injectables.  Let's play the waiting game again. 

Oh and as for my shoulder...I see my doctor on Monday and will most likely go for an MRI.  I'm seeing some improvement, but still have pain and difficulty sleeping.  Everything is just AWESOME.............