AF is here

AF appeared itself yesterday and I must say that I took it better than previous months.  I guess it's because now I know to possibly not to expect anything.  This month, I must say, has been nothing but good.  I have been in good spirits, eating better, and exercising more.  I just feel good all around and I haven't felt like this in a long time.  J and I will still be hoping for a miracle to happen, but we are fully prepared to not expect anything (although it would be nice because then I would have at least half saved for a new car).

I have done some brainstorming, and calculating, I figured if I put aside more than I originally was going to do for the IVF then I can reach my goal sooner.  I was originally going to do $500-$600 per month.  I have now decided to do $600-$700 per month.  I still have some figuring out to do.  I'm going to play around with my calendar and configure when bills are due so I can have the money ready for my bills AND allow me to put aside the maximum amount.  It also helps that my dad pays me to help him clean on Saturdays.  So that money gets put aside as well.  I only keep a small portion of that in my wallet to pay for my kickboxing classes.  We'll see how this all pans out.  Hopefully, I can reach my goal so J and I can start our pre-IVF testing early next year.

Song of the Week

Music has become a big part of my life again.  When I was growing up I played the piano and flute until I graduated high school.  The music soothed me when I played.  Although I haven't begun playing again, I have been relying on my ipod to comfort me....especially at work.  I'll listen to my ipod during lunch and I'm good as new.

At the end of each week, I'm going to pick my song of the week.  It may or may not have something to do with how I'm feeling.  It may just have something to do with the frequency I'm listening to that particular song or even group.  To start of my song of the week posts, I'm picking a band that I absolutely love and is usually on my daily listening rotation.  I posted about them in March when I saw them in concert with J and some friends.  The band that will be featured today is Kopek and the song is Floridian.  I picked this song because I feel that it relates to my relationship AND it's a very nice love song.  I hope you all enjoy!

Piloxing Week #2

Last night I had my second Piloxing class.  I seriously love this class and really hope the instructors continue it after the month session ends.  I'm not as sore as last week, but I am still feeling it.  I really wasn't in the mood to go last night, work was extremely crazy.  It seemed like every patient was a surgery, can't complain though that is was helps our practice.  I got home from work and just wanted to crash, however; I forced myself only because I didn't want to waste $45.  I don't know what it was, but I felt soo much better after the workout.  I was still exhausted, but I just felt better in spirit.

Now to finish my coffee and get ready for another crazy work day.

Piloxing

Last night I started a new exercise class with a majority of the girls that do kickboxing with me.  It is a mix of pilates, boxing, and dancing.  Am I glad I went!!  It was fun and you definitely sweat your butt off.  The instructors weren't kidding when they said you'll feel it the next day.  My body is definitely feeling it, but it's a great feeling.  I haven't felt some of these sore muscules in years.  Here is an overview of the class I found on you tube from the founders of this program.

All I can say I didn't realize how horrible my balance is right now with the pilates part.  I'm hoping it will improve.  Now it's time to get ready for work....

On This Day...

ten years ago, is seared into my memory.  I remember exactly where I was and what I was doing.  Ten years ago I was away at college and was 19 years old on 9/11/01.  I remember leaving one of my morning classes and parked myself in a study lounge down the hall from where I needed to go next in Anderson Hall.  This lounge had a TV, couches, snack and soda machine.  I sat down at a table with some classmates, opened a book, and took a look at the TV.  I remember the image of planes going into Towers 1 and 2 of the World Trade Center and seeing a ball of fire appear.  I asked a friend who had been there for awhile, and appeared to be glued to the TV, what movie this was because it seemed so real.  Not a movie.....it was actually happening.  Two planes into both Towers, the Pentagon, and rural Pennsylvania.  Then I remember the images of the Towers come crumbling down to the ground.

Since Friday night, there have been shows dedicated to 9/11.  I caught one on Friday night and relived those memories and imagined the memories of those who were there.  My memories are not as tragic as those who were actually there.  My memories do not include a lost loved one.  My heart goes out to those who relive this date year after year and have been there or lost a loved one.  I can not even begin to understand what those people are feeling right now or going through.

I Know You Are Out There

So I got this idea from a fellow blogger Scuba and I think it's a really good idea.

I was initially diagnosed with hyperprolactinemia which had been causing an ovulation dysfunction.  Once that was resolved, I was unexplained for a short time.  Then I developed a luteal phase defect.  So my RE wants me in the unexplained category.        

I started blogging to release my thoughts and emotions.  Never did I think anyone would read this.  It's nice to know that people take the time to read my ramblings (since that what my some of my blogs are).  Even though some family and friends know about my infertility, none of them know about my blog.  I really don't tell my family much about my infertility journey because I fear of the response that I may get (due to past experiences of course).  Some friends, who happen to be my closest co-workers, know every detail that I am going through (some have gone through some of what I am going through or are 100% empathetic).

I you read my blog, tell me about yourself.  How did you find me?  Anything you want to know about me?

As always, thanks for reading!!

Processing

Processing can be an emotional thing as well as exhausting.  Since last Friday, I have been processing the information my RE and coordinator gave me regarding IVF.  I have also been processing thoughts about myself. I'm now beginning to have a difficult time accepting what is going on.  Although I am open to going through IVF, I just still can't accept the fact that I can't do this on my own.  I'm still going to be saving up for the procedure, but in the meantime I have decided on taking a more natural approach.  It couldn't hurt right?!  I had posted awhile ago that my cousin is beginning or adding a new career in health.  At some point, I will be consulting her to discuss my diet and to possibly revamp what I eat.  I'm already a healthy eater, but I feel that I could be a bit healthier.  Not only am I going to be changing up my diet, I will be taking herbs and supplements related to fertility.  I know that I may have some other underlying problems other than my hormones, but I won't know that until IVF.  At this time frame, I only have hormone problems.  It couldn't hurt trying this....If it doesn't help me get pregnant naturally, at least it will help with the IVF.  I have done a little bit of research and found some positive reviews with this one holistic company.  I've read that some have gotten pregnant naturally and it helped some with their IVF.  So I'm going to give it a whirl and see what happens.

Other thoughts I have been processing.  What if none of this works?  What if I am never a mother?  What if my marriage fails because of my IF?  I'm sure the last one will not happen, J has stuck by my side through this whole thing already.  But I can't help but have that thought in the back of my head.  My marriage has been, I shouldn't say rocky, but maybe more bumpy than usual because of this whole IF thing.  I'm hoping that this time off from treatments and seeing the doctor will allow us to get on a "normal" path, concentrate on us, allow me to get back on track financially, and possibly purchase big things for the house.  We desperately need new furniture.

Well thanks for hanging in there and reading.  Now time to get ready for work.  Have a good day