Processing

Processing can be an emotional thing as well as exhausting.  Since last Friday, I have been processing the information my RE and coordinator gave me regarding IVF.  I have also been processing thoughts about myself. I'm now beginning to have a difficult time accepting what is going on.  Although I am open to going through IVF, I just still can't accept the fact that I can't do this on my own.  I'm still going to be saving up for the procedure, but in the meantime I have decided on taking a more natural approach.  It couldn't hurt right?!  I had posted awhile ago that my cousin is beginning or adding a new career in health.  At some point, I will be consulting her to discuss my diet and to possibly revamp what I eat.  I'm already a healthy eater, but I feel that I could be a bit healthier.  Not only am I going to be changing up my diet, I will be taking herbs and supplements related to fertility.  I know that I may have some other underlying problems other than my hormones, but I won't know that until IVF.  At this time frame, I only have hormone problems.  It couldn't hurt trying this....If it doesn't help me get pregnant naturally, at least it will help with the IVF.  I have done a little bit of research and found some positive reviews with this one holistic company.  I've read that some have gotten pregnant naturally and it helped some with their IVF.  So I'm going to give it a whirl and see what happens.

Other thoughts I have been processing.  What if none of this works?  What if I am never a mother?  What if my marriage fails because of my IF?  I'm sure the last one will not happen, J has stuck by my side through this whole thing already.  But I can't help but have that thought in the back of my head.  My marriage has been, I shouldn't say rocky, but maybe more bumpy than usual because of this whole IF thing.  I'm hoping that this time off from treatments and seeing the doctor will allow us to get on a "normal" path, concentrate on us, allow me to get back on track financially, and possibly purchase big things for the house.  We desperately need new furniture.

Well thanks for hanging in there and reading.  Now time to get ready for work.  Have a good day