So Naive...

I remember the days when I was so naive about fertility treatments.  At the beginning of my trouble trying journey, I always had a feeling that I would need to do treatments.  I just didn't think it would be this much and this long.  I remember when I thought clomid would work.....on the first try.  I'd like to think of my clomid mentality as a mini rollar coaster ride.  So many ups and downs.  The beginning of my cycle was like the beginning of a ride, the chain just slowly pulling the coaster cart up to the crest.  Then comes the monitoring appointment where I would get a good report.  This is the part where the cart is coasting off the chain to a potential drop.  Then there's the end of the cycle where dear AF comes, the emotional drop down to start all over again. 

I figured with Follistim, I'd try to have a different approach.  I think I was getting my hopes to high so I was hoping with a different mind frame that could hopefully change things.  Well, not so much so far.  I'm trying to have a "slow free-fall" mind of state, but I still end up on the rollar coaster.  I think Follistim is the drug for me, but maybe I need a dosage change to increase the stimulation a bit more.  My RE had also just realized that I need my Prolactin level checked (haven't had that done in awhile).  So maybe my Prolactin level is acting up again. 

So as you can guess by this post, I took a HPT and came up negative.....yet again.  Some how, it didn't bother me as much this time.  I guess I knew since my monitoring appt that this wasn't the cycle.  My follie was an ok size (only had one) and my e2 level was lower than desired.  So I think that maybe this follie was left over from last cycle and possibly empty.  I don't know, I'm just trying to justify things without beating myself up.  I do feel like I need to make some lifestyle changes.  I need to get my weight down (yes still....)  I do exercise, but I think I need to pick it up a bit more so I can drop my weight or at least lower my BMI.  Also, I need to cut back on the caffine.  I normally only drink 2 cups per day at breakfast, but there are occations where I have a few more at work.  I need to eat better and lower my stress level (easier said than done right). 

Well, thanks for reading and now I can wait for AF to arrive so I can begin a another cycle.