Hit with a Bomb Today

So today I saw my dad and the first thing out of his mouth was "Guess what...Your sister is pregnant".  I immediately started bawling my eyes out.  Dad saw my reaction and said "what are you not happy for her?"  Well that is when the tears turned into a uncontrollable waterfall.  Inbetween my heaving sobs, I told my dad "I am happy for her, I just feel that the way I was told was insensitive to what I am going through."  He let me cry a little and then the conversation continued.  I really wish it would have stopped there.  He asked me what am I doing to help my situation.  I was about to answer him and he decided to butt in.  Are you still taking your medicine, because so and so's wife had the same condition and she stopped.  She then got pregnant.  I started to cry again.  I pretty much yelled, I am experiencing infertility.  My problem is not my one medication that I take to pretty much save my life.  He asked me what my doctors are doing.  I told him I will starting injections soon and if they don't work I will have to move onto IVF.  Then I stated which will not happen because I cannot afford it. 

My mental state was good up until this morning.  I felt that I was progressing with everything and I was on a good track.  Now I just feel depressed, I hate my body, and confused as to how people get pregnant so quickly.  I am starting to lose hope again and I'm now back to where I was a couple weeks ago.  I didn't react this bad when friends and co-workers who were good friends became pregnant.  It seemed to hurt more that it was family and my younger sister who just got married.  I guess it really hurt that she didn't tell me herself.  Maybe she felt she couldn't because we have not spoken in over a year.  I just feel like crawling back into bed, but what good is that going to do.  Too many thoughts and emotions to process today.