My Body is Failing Me

Yesterday I had my post ovulation lab draw and today I got my results call.  My e2 level is 87 and my p4 is 12.4, what the heck is going on?!  I'm not sure what it means.  Was it a weak ovulation, did I not ovulate?  Ugh, I've had it.  So it looks like my RE is planning on another cycle of Follistim if this is a BFN.  He thinks that even if I do get a BFP, I may not be able to sustain a pregnancy.  So what he is planning for next cycle is to do a HCG booster.  So on August 1 I get to do a HPT although I don't know why...I already predict it being a negative reading like always.  More to come....

Today Sucked!

My day started out pretty good.  I arrived at work 5 minutes earlier than I normally do, had all of my surgical orders ready to go for the hospitals, filed documents, and it seemed like it was going to be a decent day...especially since I was able to leave early for a vet appointment.  Everything went well until about 9:30/10:00.  One of my long time patients came up to me, in a busy hallway mind you in front of my co-workers and other patients, had the nerve to tell me that I'm getting fat.  According to her, my face was looking chubby and thought that I'm putting on weight.  She then continued to say, don't take offense I was just curious.  I was just dumbfounded.  I didn't know what to say.  I just sat there with my mouth completely open in shock trying not to say anything.  Because I really want to say some really nasty things and I really can't afford to lose my job at the moment.  As this patient proceeded to leave, she asked me if I was offended by her comment.  I couldn't even respond to her.  I just wanted to say ummm yeah, tell her f you, and flip her off.  Right after she left, I just completely lost it and cried my eyes out.

I'm not gaining any weight, maybe I look like it because I'm bloated from pumping my body with all of this fertility medication.  Maybe it's not the medication and possible the heat in NEPA.  Or maybe I'm retaining water.  No matter what the case may be, that was completely uncalled for.  Hopefully tomorrow will be a bit better.

Cycle Update

After 2 days of running back and forth to the RE for monitoring, I can finally trigger tonight.  Yesterday my e2 was 130.  I didn't ask what it was today, didn't even think to ask but it was obviously higher.  I only have 1 follie on my right side.  Yesterday it was 16 and today it was 19.  Yesterday my RE gave instructions to boost my follistim to 100 iu.  So hopefully all will work out.  Definately losing hope here....

RE Update

Today was a very long day.  Since my RE's office is quite a distance from my home, I spent the day around my docs office.  This morning I had my lab draws: e2 level, FSH, and AMH.  Then I had my appointment with Dr. M scheduled for 2:30 with my baseline u/s.  Well, he was held up in surgery so my appointment was pushed an hour later.  Find with me, I always come prepared with a book and my iPod.  Anyways, my levels were good.  My FSH was 7.74 and my AMH I will get next week since that takes longer.  Dr. M feels that level should be normal based by my FSH level.  He looked at my u/s and said I have 10 follies starting and will begin my 4th cycle of Follistim on Sunday.  I did discusss at lengths at what could be the issue.  He feels that all of my hormones look good and my egg quality is good.  IF there is anymore problems it is with the outside of my egg and not allowing the sperm to penetrate.  So I've decided to do 2 more rounds of Follistim and then go to the next step.

I already have my IVF consult scheduled for end of August with my RE.  He did give me a printed sheet of the cost, which is pretty overwhelming since I will be almost 100% oop.  My ins will pick up my prescription coverage which will save me at least $3400 and it may cover the diagnostics as well.  So all in all, I may only need to pay for the actual procedure itself.  I'm not 100% with this, but feel that it will be 50/50 coverage now that I think of it.  My coordinator will have more answers at my IVF consult.

I do think my appointment was productive and my questions were answered.  My RE even said he hopes to never have the IVF conversation with me again.  Which I feel is positive thinking on his end the injections will eventually work.....we'll see.  But until then, I will try to be positive and start with a clean slate this cycle.  I feel that this post was a little rambly, so for that I apologize and thanks for sticking through!

BFFN

Today I took a HPT and of course it came up negative.  I'm tired mentally and emotionally from all of this.  I can't stand this anymore.  Why are these treatments not working?  What else could be wrong with me?  Do I need to loose more weight?  Am I exercising too much or not enough?  I was good this cycle too.  My stress wasn't too bad, I kept myself occupied, I took my medications the same time every day, and even lowered my impact level at exercise class.  I think I may need a break.  I'm going to do one more cycle and most likely take a much needed break.  I need to emotionally and mentally re-charge.

The good news is that I have an appointment with my RE this Friday.  I took a vacation day to relax and as a just in case.  Well it looks like it may work out for the just in case.  My RE wants to do more labs on me if I got a BFN.  Since I did, I go in for CD3 FSH, e2, and AMH levels.  I'm probably going to throw in my baseline u/s as well.  So I'm hoping my body cooperates with my thinking and AF will arrive on Wednesday, not a day sooner or later.  So my thinking is to arrive at the RE's office mid morning for all of these tests, drive over to the hospital for the AMH level, grab some lunch, maybe do some shopping, and then back to the RE for my 2:00 appointment.  I feel like I'm going back to my first initial appt with him.  I'm going armed with questions.  Hopefully all of my results will be rec'd and I will have some answers.

Cycle Update

Tuesday I had my bloodwork done for my p4 and e2 levels.  My levels looked good according to my coordinator.  My p4 was 16.5 and my e2 was 105.  I'm not holding my breath though.  Any cycle where things seem to go right, I have excellent levels, great looking follies....it ends in nothing but a BFN!!!!!  I've been trying to keep my mind clear and to just keep occupied.  Which has been working so to speak.   I've been overloaded this week at work with surgeries and paperwork that I just come home completely exhausted and run down.  So I've just been coming home, cooking dinner, dishes, and just chillin out.  So I guess it is working, because until today when I got my bloodwork results I completely forgot where I was in my cycle.  I'm suppose to take a HPT on 7/6 but I think I may take it sooner.  I have a follow up with my RE on Friday and if this cycle is another fail I need to go for additional labs on CD3.  So I'm trying to plan for AF to start on Wednesday and have this all done on Friday so I don't miss much more work.  I'm sure it won't pan out that way.....it never does in my world.

Update on Me

Today I went in for my monitoring appointment.  Things are moving faster then before and are a bit concerning to my RE.  I had one leading follie measuring at 20 and my e2 was 246.  I'm only on CD 10!  So tonight I trigger and start the progesterone on Thursday night.  My coordinator went on saying if I don't get pregnant this cycle then they're going to do new labs on me.  My RE's office is now starting to do AMH labs.  So if this cycle is another fail, i go in for CD3 FSH, E2, and AMH.

Also....might I add.....I got yet another shock.  So one of my nurses at my monitoring appt was like can you come in tomorrow or Wednesday mid morning for a PK test?  Ummm no I can't.  I would need more advanced notice and I'm working with surgeon's both of those days, and they are both jam packed.  So the PK test is put on hold for now.  However, she was like it's been over a year since DH last SA he should have another one done.  Looks like Dr. M was concerned of gluten in is specimen.  Gluten...in is specimen....I was not told this before.  Why are they telling me this a year and a half later when I was told he was fine.  I bawled my eyes out all the way to work AND in the office.  (btw I've been super emotional the past few days...go figure).  I also googled this and it seems like it could have been cross contamination.  Not sure how he can have gluten in is specimen.  What does that even mean?  It seems like I'm leaving there with more questions than answers anymore.  BUT I maybe making a mountain out of a mole hill.  I was just too shocked that I didn't ask any questions when I was there.  I wish I should have..

Thanks for letting me vent.  I've been doing this all day and appreciate my co-workers as well as my readers for allowing me to vent and cry.  Have a good rest of the day