So for the past few days I have been preparing for my lap surgery. I mainly had to mentally prepare for Monday. I'm not allowed to have solid foods that day. Thankfully I will be at work and super busy that I won't have time to think about food. I get to have Jello though.............As much as I like Jello, it's just not appetizing in this situation. Jim isn't making things easier. As supportive as he was when I first discussed the surgery, he is now starting to freak out. I have been able to calm his nerves somewhat.
Yesterday I was with my dad and I told him that I won't be able to work with him next Saturday (I help my dad on Saturdays with cleaning our church for some extra cash). He asked why and I vaguely explained what is going on. He said: "Oh you mother had that done some time ago. She was laid up for a few days". I flipped when I got home. This possibly could have saved me a few months. I possibly could have had my lap done sooner rather than now if I knew my mother had this done. My mom's side is Asian decent and she (like my grandmother) tends to keep certain things to herself. These are things I wish she would keep to herself.
Wish me luck and I will post my results Tuesday or Wednesday.
Amy
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Monday, January 3, 2011
Family vs IF...a little rant
I must say that this year the holiday's turned out better than expected: relaxing, peaceful, and relatively uneventful. Just the way it should be. I just need to eliminate the pregnancy questions.
Lately, I have become use to seeing BFN's on HPTs, but it is now becoming fucking unbearable to hear family asking pregnancy questions. When are you and Jim going to start trying? Are you even planning on children? And the winning comment from my grandmother...I'm waiting on some good news from you and Jim. I would like this announcement sometime before I die. CLASSIC!! Sure Gram...How would you like this to happen. Apparently sex and my hormones aren't working. So please tell me how else we can do this, apparently everything that we're doing isn't working. Better yet please let me know when you come across a magic lamp or a genie that I can wish this upon. I don't know what has come over people but ever since our anniversary, these questions have been pretty much every other month. I have not come out to my family about my IF mainly because I really don't think that they'll get it. I'm not if they will really get the extensive travelling, the testing, the drugs, the emotions, the disappointment, etc. I came out at work only because I had to and it was the best decision ever. After I came out, I realized alot of my co-workers had gone through or just went through IF treatments. So it was nice to know that I can turn to people for advice other than my ladies on the TTTC board. Plus I think if I told my family about my IF I'd get more questions than what I'm getting now. The "how are the treatments going", "are you pregnant yet", and any other comments/questions that I may not want to hear.
I love my family dearly, but each month and each comment is becoming not only an annoyance but heartbreaking. I already feel that I'm letting down my husband by having trouble conceiving, but now I have to add my family to that. I just feel like shouting "I am dealing with infertility issues, please do not comment to me about being pregnant/becoming pregnant/why I'm not pregnant until I make my announcement". Even if I do that my family won't listen, especially my gram. My gram pretty much says what she wants even if you tell her not to.
If you read all of this, thanks for hanging in there!
Amy
Lately, I have become use to seeing BFN's on HPTs, but it is now becoming fucking unbearable to hear family asking pregnancy questions. When are you and Jim going to start trying? Are you even planning on children? And the winning comment from my grandmother...I'm waiting on some good news from you and Jim. I would like this announcement sometime before I die. CLASSIC!! Sure Gram...How would you like this to happen. Apparently sex and my hormones aren't working. So please tell me how else we can do this, apparently everything that we're doing isn't working. Better yet please let me know when you come across a magic lamp or a genie that I can wish this upon. I don't know what has come over people but ever since our anniversary, these questions have been pretty much every other month. I have not come out to my family about my IF mainly because I really don't think that they'll get it. I'm not if they will really get the extensive travelling, the testing, the drugs, the emotions, the disappointment, etc. I came out at work only because I had to and it was the best decision ever. After I came out, I realized alot of my co-workers had gone through or just went through IF treatments. So it was nice to know that I can turn to people for advice other than my ladies on the TTTC board. Plus I think if I told my family about my IF I'd get more questions than what I'm getting now. The "how are the treatments going", "are you pregnant yet", and any other comments/questions that I may not want to hear.
I love my family dearly, but each month and each comment is becoming not only an annoyance but heartbreaking. I already feel that I'm letting down my husband by having trouble conceiving, but now I have to add my family to that. I just feel like shouting "I am dealing with infertility issues, please do not comment to me about being pregnant/becoming pregnant/why I'm not pregnant until I make my announcement". Even if I do that my family won't listen, especially my gram. My gram pretty much says what she wants even if you tell her not to.
If you read all of this, thanks for hanging in there!
Amy
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Welcome 2011!!!
Hopefully you will treat me better than 2010 did. Jim and I didn't do anything exciting. We went to a local bar and were home by 3 am. For 2011, I am setting some goals not only for myself but my husband as well.
1. Get Pregnant
2. Exercise more
3. Eat healthier/cook healthier
4. Have a better outlook on things
5. Become better with my finances/savings
6. Become more organized
7. Take care of my debt (mainly student loans)
8. Plan a getaway
9. Spend more time with our families
10. Make our home more "homey"
11. Let go of ill feelings toward certain people
I hope everyone had a good New Years night and has a prosperous year
1. Get Pregnant
2. Exercise more
3. Eat healthier/cook healthier
4. Have a better outlook on things
5. Become better with my finances/savings
6. Become more organized
7. Take care of my debt (mainly student loans)
8. Plan a getaway
9. Spend more time with our families
10. Make our home more "homey"
11. Let go of ill feelings toward certain people
I hope everyone had a good New Years night and has a prosperous year
Monday, December 27, 2010
Yet Another BFN!
This morning I took a pregnancy test and saw the words "not pregnant". In a way, I knew this wasn't going to happen, but I still couldn't help but obssess over every symptom that I had: the constant headaches, fatigue, nausea, sore BB's...I knew it was AF trying to make her appearance but I was trying to remain hopeful. Now I have a break cycle and I will prepare for my surgery in about 2 weeks. The prep is going to suck since I can't have any aspirin or ibuprofen products...I tend to get some massive headaches at work. I also have to prep with an enema the night before and the morning of surgery. AWESOME right?! Can't wait. I am hoping that my RE finds something when he going in. I think we all need some more answers as to why nothing sticks. What really has me a little ticked is to why my RE is deciding to do the procedure now and not in the beginning. Working in the medical field myself, I'm all for conservative treatments, but I feel that maybe I wouldn't have wasted all of my clomid treatments if this procedure was done in the beginning. Well I can't argue with his methods, he is an excellent doctor.
So with Jim totally on board with my surgery, which is completely shocking, we talked about the future. We have not done this in quite sometime. Our first topic was about my car. My car is getting up there on miles and has seen better days. When we have our child/children he wants me to have a more reliable car and I completely agree. So I have been saving up for a SUV, most likely a Honda CRV. I looked at him after our brief conversation and I can see that he was still thinking. He then asked what if I had to choose between a car and IVF. I think he is starting to realize that IVF is becoming more of a reality for us. I told him hands down that I would want the IVF. As much as I need a car, I want a child more. And besides, Jim has a car that I could use. He has a work vehicle and RARELY uses his car. The only problem is that I'd have to learn how to drive stick and I had tried already. Didn't turn out too good. I did good on the highway and Interstate, but not on our town roads....I kind of freaked out. Anyways, what I was thinking was that maybe I can set up another account with my bank for IVF. So that I have enough for a car and part of the IVF. Something to look into I guess.
What I'm hoping for is that this surgery will find something and when I begin the injectables I will become pregnant. I only have a few goals for 2011. One is to become more organized. Two is to increase my exercising at home when I do not have exercise class. Three is to be better with my finances/savings. Four is to become pregnant. Five is to have a better outlook on things. Hopefully 2011 will be a wonderful year for everyone!
Thanks for reading!
Amy
So with Jim totally on board with my surgery, which is completely shocking, we talked about the future. We have not done this in quite sometime. Our first topic was about my car. My car is getting up there on miles and has seen better days. When we have our child/children he wants me to have a more reliable car and I completely agree. So I have been saving up for a SUV, most likely a Honda CRV. I looked at him after our brief conversation and I can see that he was still thinking. He then asked what if I had to choose between a car and IVF. I think he is starting to realize that IVF is becoming more of a reality for us. I told him hands down that I would want the IVF. As much as I need a car, I want a child more. And besides, Jim has a car that I could use. He has a work vehicle and RARELY uses his car. The only problem is that I'd have to learn how to drive stick and I had tried already. Didn't turn out too good. I did good on the highway and Interstate, but not on our town roads....I kind of freaked out. Anyways, what I was thinking was that maybe I can set up another account with my bank for IVF. So that I have enough for a car and part of the IVF. Something to look into I guess.
What I'm hoping for is that this surgery will find something and when I begin the injectables I will become pregnant. I only have a few goals for 2011. One is to become more organized. Two is to increase my exercising at home when I do not have exercise class. Three is to be better with my finances/savings. Four is to become pregnant. Five is to have a better outlook on things. Hopefully 2011 will be a wonderful year for everyone!
Thanks for reading!
Amy
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Oh What a Day...
So today I had an appt with my RE to discuss further treatment plans. We're still waiting on my final outcome of Clomid, but needed a plan for January. My RE is hesitant to start me on injectables at this time and wants to go ahead with the surgery. So my surgery will consist of a diagnostic lap, oper./laser lap, hysteroscopy, D&C, and tubal perfusion. Hopefully this procedure will provide more answers for me. I called Jim to discuss everything and, surprisingly, he was in agreeance with this plan. Normally when Jim hears surgery he tends to freak out a little bit. Since I will be needing a driver, he was nice enough to offer the day off of work. So I guess tomorrow I need to talk to work and figure everything out. I'm crossing my fingers, toes, and legs that I will not need his done. Hopefully I will have a Christmas miracle. But incase I don't, it's on to the procedure and then injectables for 3 cycles.
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Update
I must make a confession.....I am a horrible blogger. Phew that felt good...I had my monitoring appt on Friday 12/10 for my final cycle of Clomid. I must say it went pretty good. Lining was good and my Estrodial level was 256. I had one leading follie measuring at 24mm and 2 smaller follies one at 14 mm and the other at 12 mm. Hopefully my 14 mm follie grew to a measurable 18 mm this weekend. Per my RE I was to trigger on Friday night since I wasn't having a LH surge. My RE and my nurse didn't want my follie to get any bigger than 24 mm. I also decided to buy Preseed Friday after work, couldn't hurt right?! I also felt that I was more dry than my prior cycles (sorry TMI, I know). During this cycle, I did notice CM but I didn't think it was good enough. Hence my reasoning for Preseed. I had O pains yesterday and a bit this morning which is definately a good sign. Tomorrow night I start my progesterone suppositories again and wish for a positive outcome. Although I'm not too hopeful. My confidence with Clomid is now zero so I am prepared for yet another BFN. I go in for blwk 7 DPO for a progesterone and estrogen check. My progesterone level has been pretty good with the suppositories. So I at least know they are working despite how unpleasant they are.
On 12/21 I have another meeting with my RE. This appt is to discuss the what's next. I know for a fact that if I fail again this cycle I will be moving on to injectibles. So I'm guessing that I will be learning what meds I will be on and injectable protocol. SOOO much fun!!
I also just realized that Christmas Eve I will be able to begin using the HPT. My RE doesn't want me to test until 12/27 though. I hope I can hold out....I might have to. I don't think I can handle that type of bad news on Christmas. Although it would be a nice gift for DH and me if I were to get a positive test. This is a difficult decision. I'm hoping that we have alot of company or we are out of the house alot so I don't get tempted.
On 12/21 I have another meeting with my RE. This appt is to discuss the what's next. I know for a fact that if I fail again this cycle I will be moving on to injectibles. So I'm guessing that I will be learning what meds I will be on and injectable protocol. SOOO much fun!!
I also just realized that Christmas Eve I will be able to begin using the HPT. My RE doesn't want me to test until 12/27 though. I hope I can hold out....I might have to. I don't think I can handle that type of bad news on Christmas. Although it would be a nice gift for DH and me if I were to get a positive test. This is a difficult decision. I'm hoping that we have alot of company or we are out of the house alot so I don't get tempted.
Thursday, December 2, 2010
What A Day.....
I had a very long and crazy morning at work. Oh and by the way I'm still at work. At least no one is here and I can coast along this afternoon. Things started out ok until I started getting charts ready. Well my computer picked a great day to decide not to print as well as a co-workers. So I got to spend at least an hour on the phone with my IT department. I got so backed up checking in and logging in I was nearly in tears.
My doctors office decided to call me today on one of my busiest days. They finally received my blwk from before the holidays. My P4 level is finally good it was at 18 (Kudos to my body for that) and my prolactin level is finally stable at 6.5 (it's about time). Now for the bad result....My Estrogen level was really low (go figure). If it is not one level screwing me it's another. My RE thinks that my other E2 levels were good because I took the HCG shot. This time I couldn't due to my LH surge occuring earlier than expected. So I get to go in for CD 12 monitoring and trigger early with hopes of a successful cycle. My nurse did tell me that if this cycle is a bust, my RE wants to move to more aggressive treatment with me (which was discussed briefly at my last appointment with him). If this cycle does not work then I will be moving on to injectables. Hopefully this will all work out and not come to that. I go back in to see my RE on 12/21 and await "positive" results come the new year.
Ughh this is soo tiring!!
My doctors office decided to call me today on one of my busiest days. They finally received my blwk from before the holidays. My P4 level is finally good it was at 18 (Kudos to my body for that) and my prolactin level is finally stable at 6.5 (it's about time). Now for the bad result....My Estrogen level was really low (go figure). If it is not one level screwing me it's another. My RE thinks that my other E2 levels were good because I took the HCG shot. This time I couldn't due to my LH surge occuring earlier than expected. So I get to go in for CD 12 monitoring and trigger early with hopes of a successful cycle. My nurse did tell me that if this cycle is a bust, my RE wants to move to more aggressive treatment with me (which was discussed briefly at my last appointment with him). If this cycle does not work then I will be moving on to injectables. Hopefully this will all work out and not come to that. I go back in to see my RE on 12/21 and await "positive" results come the new year.
Ughh this is soo tiring!!
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