Loss of Life...

This week, my company had lost their grandfather.  The founding physician of our practice had suddenly passed away.  This man was a wonderful person and exceptional physician (being a major contributor to hip and knee arthroplasty).  He will be sadly missed among the staff.  It was obvious that he had cared deeply for his patients and his patients cared deeply for him.  Dr. K you will be missed and we will miss ordering your steak sandwich with extra sauce and onions, extra sauce on the side and large coke.

Sigh...another rant

Yesterday started out pretty good.  It then got rather depressing for me.  Damn IF!!!  One of my co-workers, who is a dear friend of mine, is pregnant and due late March.  We talk periodically since we are now in different offices within the company.  I am really happy for her as I would be for any of my friends who become pregnant.  I'm actually excited to buy her gifts and hear about her journey.  While we were talking it seemed as though she was complaining a little bit.  She was saying how big she is, she's a cow, etc.  I didn't say anything, although I really wanted to.  In the back of my head, all I kept thinking was how lucky she is to be pregnant, to have the belly, and everything that comes with it.  I can't wait to go through every little thing with pregnancy, even the sickness that comes with it (and if anyone hears me complain I want them to smack me back to reality).  I wish some people knew what it felt like to get disappointed month after month when AF comes.  Especially when you are going through fertility treatments.  She asked me when I was going to try for one.  I stated that I was and am currently seeing a doctor for help.  I don't think she put two and two together.  Even though it was a slightly tough conversation, I will fully support her and be there the best I can.

Update......

I received a call from my RE with my path report.  Apparently I have inflammation and an infection going on called endometritis.  Never heard of such a thing.  My RE thinks that it could be from my history of yeast infections growing up.  Being a avid swimmer I was accustomed to getting these.  Anyways, he feels that my body never really got back to normal from the bad bacteria.  I am now on an antibiotic for 2 weeks.  I then go back in to see my RE in March to have another biopsy and go from there.  Hopefully I will only need 1 round of antibiotics to get rid of what I have.  So at this point using injectables is on hold and we will wait and see if the antibiotic will do the trick.  If not I guess we go back to the drawing board......

1 Day Post Op

Today I feel better than expected.  I'm still bloated from the gas and swelling.  I do have some soreness when I get up and down, but nothing like yesterday.  I did, however, have a rough night sleeping.  I'm normally a side sleeper.  So last night I slept on a slight incline due to the gas and woke up every hour because of my turning.  Especially on my left side.  The gas automatically when to my right shoulder causing alot of pain in my joint.  I'm pretty tolerable with pain so I only took 1 Percocet last night before bed, which did help except for the gas pain unfortunately.  I'm contemplating taking one now for my soreness.  I feel it is not bad enough for this type of medication and may decrease to Ibuprofen. 

So now I just have to prepare for my shower which may or may not be painful.  Then I get to spend the rest of the day resting and napping with a possibility of returning to work tomorrow.  I don't see why I wouldn't be able to.  If I can get a majority of this gas out of me today, I should only have soreness around my incisions.  I got to speak with my RE nurse this morning for my post op call and everything is looking good on their end.  They are expecting me to get AF next week sometime which would be prior to my RE appt.  So it looks like I will be sitting out another cycle.  I guess in a way that is good.  It will give me time to heal more appropriately and get my new meds delivered. 

Have a great day everyone!

Home From My Lap

Today I had my lap and hysteroscopy procedures.  The procedure went fairly well I didn't come out of anesthesia too well though.  I was in alot of pain from the hysteroscopy that I woke up crying my eyes out.  Once I got my pain meds everything settled down: the pain, the drowsiness.  My RE said everything went well and he didn't find anything.  He did take some specimens for a path report and I should get them next week.  He doesn't think anything will come from that either.  If the pathology comes up with something I will need an antibiotic or something to decrease the inflammation that is happening.  According to my RE this is all good news even if I need an antibiotic.  Once I meet with him in two weeks we will discuss my new medication(s) that I will be on and my new protocol.  Next cycle I will be moving onto injectible fertility medications.  If AF cooperates and holds off a bit, I will be able to start this upcoming cycle.  If not and she appears sooner than my RE and I would like, I will need to wait another cycle.  I am very excited to be moving on to the next step but also fearful.  I am fearful that injectables alone will not work and I may need to take a more invasive route.  Hopefully that will not be the case and I will have a good outcome with these meds.  Another thought that worries me is the travelling again.  At least with the clomid I new I only had to travel for one monitoring appointment.  The way it is looking with the injectables, I will need to be travelling for a few monitoring appointments.  My RE does new patient consults near my home and he has been trying to get monitoring appointments set up for his patients that are around that area.  Hopefully by the time I need these appointments, I will only need to drive 30 minutes each way rather than over an hour each eay.

I am getting drowsy again so off to bed!

Preparation

So for the past few days I have been preparing for my lap surgery.  I mainly had to mentally prepare for Monday.  I'm not allowed to have solid foods that day.  Thankfully I will be at work and super busy that I won't have time to think about food.  I get to have Jello though.............As much as I like Jello, it's just not appetizing in this situation.  Jim isn't making things easier.  As supportive as he was when I first discussed the surgery, he is now starting to freak out.  I have been able to calm his nerves somewhat. 

Yesterday I was with my dad and I told him that I won't be able to work with him next Saturday (I help my dad on Saturdays with cleaning our church for some extra cash).  He asked why and I vaguely explained what is going on.  He said: "Oh you mother had that done some time ago.  She was laid up for a few days".  I flipped when I got home.  This possibly could have saved me a few months.  I possibly could have had my lap done sooner rather than now if I knew my mother had this done.  My mom's side is Asian decent and she (like my grandmother) tends to keep certain things to herself.  These are things I wish she would keep to herself. 

Wish me luck and I will post my results Tuesday or Wednesday.

Amy

Family vs IF...a little rant

I must say that this year the holiday's turned out better than expected:  relaxing, peaceful, and relatively uneventful.  Just the way it should be.  I just need to eliminate the pregnancy questions.

Lately, I have become use to seeing BFN's on HPTs, but it is now becoming fucking unbearable to hear family asking pregnancy questions.  When are you and Jim going to start trying?  Are you even planning on children?  And the winning comment from my grandmother...I'm waiting on some good news from you and Jim.  I would like this announcement sometime before I die.  CLASSIC!!  Sure Gram...How would you like this to happen.  Apparently sex and my hormones aren't working.  So please tell me how else we can do this, apparently everything that we're doing isn't working.  Better yet please let me know when you come across a magic lamp or a genie that I can wish this upon.  I don't know what has come over people but ever since our anniversary, these questions have been pretty much every other month.  I have not come out to my family  about my IF mainly because I really don't think that they'll get it.  I'm not if they will really get the extensive travelling, the testing, the drugs, the emotions, the disappointment, etc.  I came out at work only because I had to and it was the best decision ever.  After I came out, I realized alot of my co-workers had gone through or just went through IF treatments.  So it was nice to know that I can turn to people for advice other than my ladies on the TTTC board.  Plus I think if I told my family about my IF I'd get more questions than what I'm getting now.  The "how are the treatments going", "are you pregnant yet", and any other comments/questions that I may not want to hear. 

I love my family dearly, but each month and each comment is becoming not only an annoyance but heartbreaking.  I already feel that I'm letting down my husband by having trouble conceiving, but now I have to add my family to that.  I just feel like shouting "I am dealing with infertility issues, please do not comment to me about being pregnant/becoming pregnant/why I'm not pregnant until I make my announcement".  Even if I do that my family won't listen, especially my gram.  My gram pretty much says what she wants even if you tell her not to. 

If you read all of this, thanks for hanging in there!
Amy

Welcome 2011!!!

Hopefully you will treat me better than 2010 did.  Jim and I didn't do anything exciting.  We went to a local bar and were home by 3 am.  For 2011, I am setting some goals not only for myself but my husband as well.

1.  Get Pregnant
2.  Exercise more
3.  Eat healthier/cook healthier
4.  Have a better outlook on things
5.  Become better with my finances/savings
6.  Become more organized
7.  Take care of my debt (mainly student loans)
8.  Plan a getaway
9.  Spend more time with our families
10.  Make our home more "homey"
11.  Let go of ill feelings toward certain people

I hope everyone had a good New Years night and has a prosperous year